


Eiswein and Cherry Pie

by bboiseux



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Compulsory Heterosexuality, F/F, Fake Marriage, Femslash, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Lesbian Character, Light Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21982132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bboiseux/pseuds/bboiseux
Summary: Beau was Jester’s bestest friend, but she’d never had a friend that made her feel so confused.  So, when Beau and Jester pretend to be married for a mission (and to mess with Beau's parents, of course!), things don't quite go the way Jester expects.Reading Time:abt 37 mins
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 24
Kudos: 148
Collections: Critmas Exchange 2019





	Eiswein and Cherry Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Leechbrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leechbrain/gifts).



> Dear Leechbrain,
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little fic. I was excited to write it and then I realized that you had bestowed such lovely art of Vexleth and Beau/Keyleth on the world and ... well. You deserve only the best! :)
> 
> With great sincerity,  
> Your Secret Writer

Jester didn’t think of Beau _that way_. Beau was a friend! The bestest friend you could have! A friend who supported you whenever you needed it and told you how awesome you were, how hot you were, how right you were. And cuddled a lot, which was great because Jester loved cuddles! It felt really good to have someone in bed. It felt really good to have someone wrap their arms around you. It was so different from nights when she was little. Sometimes, when Beau was asleep (Jester could tell she was asleep because Beau didn’t snore, but she did make a sound that was _almost_ snoring) she would mutter something and squeeze Jester close and it was like a hard press of … care and it filled Jester up with this warmth. It also made her feel tingly. Sometimes the tingle was in her arm because it fell asleep because she didn’t want to wake Beau up to move, but other times it was a tingle in her head that made her want to jump up and down and other times it was in her chest and made her want to turn around and squeeze Beau back and sometimes—just sometimes, it was really rare and barely happened at all—it was lower and made Jester feel like when she was reading the super interesting parts of Tusk Love all by herself and, well ….

Beau was Jester’s bestest friend, but she’d never had a friend that made her feel so confused.

Still, she _was_ Jester’s bestest friend, so when the group had split up to check out the different cults they thought were related to the Chained Oblivion and one of those cults was near Kamordah, it had made perfect sense for Jester to volunteer to go with Beau. And when Beau had (jokingly, Jester knew she was just joking) suggested they pretend to be married and stay with her parents because it would “fucking freak them out to see their failure of a daughter show up dressed as a high ranking member of the Cobalt Soul with a wife in tow,” of course Jester had agreed! Not only was it a great prank, it was a chance to mess with Beau’s parents. And—Jester thought with a very intimidating frown—they deserved to be messed with after what they had done to Beau.

It was weird because Jester had assumed when she jumped with excitement and said they should do it that Beau would give that cocky grin and agree immediately like she did to (most) of Jester’s schemes, but instead Jester had to convince _her_ to do it, all while Beau kept shooting Nott weird looks. But she’d given in in the end because it was obviously the best plan and each of the groups had headed their own way.

And it had gone so well so far! They’d showed up at the door and the servant had gone wide-eyed and then Beau’s mother had gone wide-eyed and then her father had gone wide-eyed and they hadn’t been able to say no because Beau was an _Expositor_ now and you can’t turn down someone that important and they had definitely been thrown off by Jester being blue and a tiefling (which had made Jester hang on Beau three hundred percent more) and Jester had even gotten a couple of super obvious dick jokes in during dinner!

And Beau’s brother was adorable! And he loved her! And she’d made him laugh, even though Beau’s parents clearly wanted Jester to stop making faces and little pink unicorns.

Beau and Jester had laughed through the night. Jester loved it when she made Beau smile.

Of course, then they’d had to take care of the boring mission, which meant spending most of the day and some of the night wandering and watching and waiting. They didn’t find anything, but, as they got back late (the clocks in the house long past striking midnight), Beau smirked and held a finger up to her lips.

“Want to see how I used to sneak in?”

Jester fairly vibrated her head into a nod.

Beau and Jester slunk around the darkened exterior of the house until Beau stopped, feeling the wall above her where Jester could make out a small window.

“Alright,” she muttered under her breath, “If I just press here…”

There was a barely audible pop and then Beau quickly jammed her fingers under the window frame and propped it open.

Jester looked at the window skeptically. “That’s pretty small, Beau, are you sure we can get in through there?”

Beau snorted out a laugh. “I haven’t grown since I was thirteen and you’re not much bigger than me. We’ll be fine.” With that, she pulled herself through the window and disappeared into the darkness on the other side.

A moment later her arms and voice reached out. “Here, I’ll pull you through.”

Jester grinned (knowing that Beau couldn’t see her face in the dark) and gripped Beau’s hands. Just as Beau tugged, Jester gave a powerful jump with her legs and she went tumbling through the window and on top of Beau. Jester giggled as she knocked the air out of Beau and rolled onto the floor.

Beau shushed her and whispered, “We’re in the kitchen. I used to steal any leftovers out of the icebox.”

Jester stomach rumbled. They hadn’t eaten for hours. “Ooo! That sounds good.”

“Yeah, hold on a sec.” Beau popped up, and in the dim light fumbled over to the icebox. After a minute of staring, she said, “Hey, can you see anything?”

Jester squeezed in next to her. The icebox was filled with half a chicken, a full bottle of milk and … almost an entire pie. She couldn’t quite make out what kind. “Oh, Beau, we are going to have the best dinner!” She clapped her hands again, only to have Beau grab her quickly with a “Shhh.” Jester just smiled in the darkness, knowing Beau couldn’t make out the details. She loved the tight feel of Beau holding her hands for any reason. It reminded her how good a friend Beau was.

“Okay, you grab that stuff,” said Beau, “I’m going to get a little surprise.”

Jester squealed a little bit. “Is it a surprise for me!?”

“Of course it is,” said Beau with a chuckle. She gestured towards the far wall. “All the forks and shit like that are over there. Head back to the room. We’ll have a picnic on the floor.”

Jester bounded across the room (it occurred to her that she was maybe being a teensy bit too loud, but it wasn’t like they weren’t allowed here!) to grab some utensils and plates (if she could find them), as Beau grabbed some matches, lit a candle, and disappeared down through a door.

It only took Jester a minute to get to their room with a pile of chicken and pie in her hands, the milk bottle tucked under her arm, and two forks clenched between her teeth. By the time Beau stumbled through the door, Jester was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the food and a lighted candle she’d dug out of the desk. Beau’s face lit up as she saw the scene (at least as much as Beau’s face ever lit up). She had a bottle of wine clutched in one hand and two wine glasses in the other.

Jester scrunched up her face at the wine. Beau must have seen it in the flickering candlelight because she quickly said, “I know you’re not big on alcohol, but I think you’ll really like this one. I picked it out especially for you.” With that, she sat down next to Jester and began to open the wine and pour it out. She glanced up as she filled the second glass and laughed. “My parents are going to have a fucking fit when all this food is gone in the morning.”

“Do you think we should put some back?”

Beau handed Jester a glass. “Nah, this is asshole tax. Plus, I never got to sneak a girlfriend into my room, so this is just making up for lost time.”

“OoooooOOOooo,” said Jester in her best playful tone, “And what did you want to do with your girlfriends? Do you have any plans for me?” Jester leaned back—not quite hitting seductive and going a little into unbalanced—and waggled her chest around as she pursed her lips.

Beau quickly took a sip of the wine and pointed at the glass almost tipping over in Jester’s hand. “It’s called ice wine. It’s super rare and expensive because it’s a bitch to make. Try it.”

Jester was a little put off that Beau had missed her joke—she liked it when Beau got a little flustered—but it was pretty dark, even with the candle, so she guessed it was easy to miss (even if Jester thought she was being super obvious). She sat up and sniffed at the glass. It smelled pretty sugary! She took a quick sip and it was like being hit in the mouth with a pile of fruit, and, well, a lot of alcohol. “It’s like liquid candy!” she said excitedly and took a bigger swig. The sweetness washed down her throat and the weight of the alcohol filled up her nose. “It’s really good.”

Beau chuckled, that throaty break in her seriousness that Jester loved so much. “Yeah, I thought you’d like it.” She took a sip and Jester took another big gulp. “Uh, maybe slow down.” Beau picked up the bottle. “I’ve been drinking this shit since I was five. I could probably down a bottle and be fine, but, uh, I mean, it’s no cordial or anything, but you’re not really used to wine.”

Jester looked at the almost empty glass. There was a nice warm feeling in her stomach that seemed to radiate to the tips of her fingers and toes. It was sort of like the warmth she felt when Beau cuddled up close to her. Jester sighed. “Well, I’ll only have this glass and maybe one more and that will be fine, right?”

Beau was shooting her a look. “Uh, I mean, maybe?” After a long stare, she suddenly broke away and surveyed the food. “Maybe if you get some food into you. Drinking on an empty stomach is a crappy idea anyway.”

Beau began to pick at the chicken, using her fingers to tear off a piece and toss it into her mouth. Jester quickly joined in and before long the chicken was clean to the bones. Jester licked her fingers and, after looking around, wiped them on her dress.

“That was tasty,” she said, “but now we get to—“ Her eyes went wide. “We forgot about the milk!” Jester plunged forward and shook the bottle. It was best when the cream was mixed in (unless you just drank the cream because that was pretty good too!). Jester popped the top off and took a big swig of the creamy thick goodness. “Mmmmmmmm,” she said with extreme satisfaction and thrust the bottle in Beau’s direction. “Want any?”

Beau waved her off and raised her glass, which was newly filled. “Eh, I’ll stick with the wine.”

Jester leaned over and pulled the pie closer. She looked at it curiously, gave it a sniff, and then beamed. “It’s cherry!” As Beau took another sip of wine, Jester set the milk down and thrust the pie in Beau’s face. “I love cherry pie! Do you like cherry pie?”

Beau coughed and sputtered, but between coughs she said, “Yeah, I like cherry pie.” She wiped some stray wine from her chin and coughed again. “You like it too, huh?”

“It’s the best! Although …” She grasped the neck of the milk bottle again and lifted it in the air. “… it’s best with some thick creamy milk to wash it down! Want some?” Jester set the pie and bottle down and tossed a fork to Beau.

“Yeah, I’m not really a milk kind of person,” she said as she took the fork, “Why don’t I stick to the wine and you stick to the milk.”

Jester shrugged. It was a mystery to her why some people didn’t like milk, but that was okay because Beau was wonderful in other ways and at least she liked cherry pie, which wasn’t quite as a good as a normal pastry, but was also kind of like a giant pastry but with more filling than pastry, which was _delicious_. Jester took a heaping forkful from the pie pan and bit down and immediately had to catch a piece from falling on the floor. She giggled and smiled at Beau as she stuffed the piece into her mouth, let the sharp sweet flavor of the cherry filling dance on her tongue. “Mmmmm!!! It’s so good!”

Beau, who was finishing a much smaller bite, nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it is pretty good.”

They quickly polished off the pie, Jester finishing the milk and Beau drinking most of the bottle of wine. By the time they were done, they were both on their backs, holding their stomachs, a comatose but satisfied look on their faces.

“Fuck,” said Beau slowly, “That was good.”

Jester hummed a little happy sound. “Is that why you wanted to sneak a girl in here?”

Beau chuckled. “You know that’s not why, Jester.”

Jester laughed along with her. As much as Jester liked messing with people, she also really liked how Beau talked to her like she was, well, an adult. Jester scrunched her face. For some reasons, a lot of people treated her like she was a child, like … like she didn’t understand things. But she did and sometimes it made her a little sad when it happened. She remembered how Caduceus had done that a couple times and it had really hurt. But Beau? Beau always took her seriously. It was just nice to know that your friend really saw you, you know?

Jester looked at Beau in the thin light. The light painted her face weird combinations of light and dark, but Jester could close her eyes and see exactly what she looked like. Beau was so pretty. She knew Beau didn’t think so, but Jester just loved her hair and her nose and her lips and her abs …. Oh and her arms! And her legs! Those were good too. Sometimes Jester wished she could be more like Beau.

That’s really what she felt, you know? She’d look at Beau or Beau would talk and she’d feel this pull, like she was full of hot air and could just float over to Beau with no effort at all. The pull was just that she wanted to be Beau with her hot body and her super smart brain and her awesome fighting skills. Not that she really wanted to be Beau because she had the Traveler and her magic and everything, but, well ….

In the dark, Jester reached out and grabbed Beau’s hand, gave it a squeeze. Beau didn’t even look at her, just smiled a little bit and squeezed back and, as she squeezed, it was like she was squeezing the words out of Jester’s mouth with a squeak: “Beau, who was your first _real_ girlfriend?”

“Huh? Real?” Jester could see Beau still staring at the ceiling. The question didn’t seem remotely odd to Beau. That was another nice thing about her: she just took Jester in stride. “Like, first girl I liked or first girl I kiss or …. Fuck, Jester, there’s a lot of options there.”

“You’ve been with so many girls you don’t even remember who your first was!?” Jester let it explode in a burst of hot air and mock shock.

Beau responded by giving her a playful kick in the leg. “Just trying to figure out what you mean.”

“Well, how about the first girl who made you realize you liked girls?”

“Uh …” Jester liked the way Beau went all serious when she thought over even silly questions like this. “… I mean, I guess I just always knew I liked girls. I didn’t have, like, a realization.”

“Oh.” Jester felt oddly disappointed, like she’d just zoomed down a big hill and her stomach was still catching up. Wait, that was probably from just eating too much.

But Jester didn’t need to think about those feelings anymore because Beau was chuckling. “Shit, wait, I know. My first crush.” Beau rolled over on the floor, a smirk on her face, and propped herself up on one arm. “You’ll love this: it was totally my tutor when I was like … eleven.”

“Oooo,” said Jester, the excitement of a potential story overwhelming the unsettledness in her stomach. “What happened?”

Beau gave Jester a weird look. “I mean, nothing happened. I was eleven and … well, I thought she was old, but she was probably … twenty?” Beau’s eyes went wide. “Oh shit, I’m the same age as my tutor.”

Jester laughed and teasingly poked Beau. “Was she as hot as you?”

“Fuck no. She was super hot. She was strict, but also really fair. Like, I think she liked me, but she had this yard stick, right? And she’d walk around as I worked slapping it absentmindedly against her hand. And, I mean, picture this: she’s in this super conservative dress, right? Like all the proper Empire ladies wear? Walking around with this stick all super aggressive, but … she has these _massive_ tits.” Here, Beau took a moment to gesture with her free hand to give a clear picture, which Jester thought was a very important point to make. “So she’s walking around, slapping this stick, parading around me, and me—I’m like barely aware of what I’m feeling, but all I know is that I’m supposed to be doing my mathematics and I can’t keep my fucking eyes off her chest and I’ve got this weird feeling down low that I’ve never felt before. I think the first few weeks of this I kept having to run to the bathroom because I thought I had to pee.”

“You thought you were peeing yourself?” Jester couldn’t quite hide the incredulousness.

“I mean, I didn’t really think I’d peed myself, it’s fucking different, but—” Beau huffed a little. “—I didn’t know what it was and it was the closest I could think off.”

Jester scrunched up her face in the dark. “Hadn’t you ever pet the pussy? You know? Smack the pony? Jilled off? Beat the bush? Danced the two-finger tango?”

Beau was chuckling wilding and Jester grinned wickedly. “What the fuck, Jester? How many euphemisms do you have for rubbing one out?”

“Oh, I have tons!” She ticked them off on her fingers as she went. “Finger painting, summoning Pelor, buffing the muffin, tickling the water elemental, polishing the pearl, stroking the beaver—”

“Fuck!” Jester could see Beau beaming in the darkness. It was so rare for Beau to smile that wide. “Well, I didn’t start doing that until, um, well, I’m pretty sure it was after that tutor arrived.” Beau turned her head away.

Jester rolled over (taking Beau’s hand with her) and pressed up against Beau. “Are you embarrassed about gilding the lily?” she said in a playful tone.

Beau swung her head back. The smile had receded to be replaced with a quiet smirk. “Nah, just … a lot of stuff went on around that time.” Jester could feel Beau’s chest rise and fall in a deep inhalation and she suddenly felt a little sad. The little Beau talked about her childhood, it never sounded happy. But Beau quickly interrupted that train of thought with a sudden burst of energy: “Anyway,” she said, “who was the first person who got _you_ wet?”

“Oh, that’s easy!” said Jester, “I was totally hot for Bluud!”

It took a moment for Beau to put that together. “The … min—your mom’s bodyguard!?”

“Well, yeah.” It was pretty obvious. People were always shocked by the strangest things. “He’s super jacked and really nice to me and …” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “… he doesn’t wear pants!” Jester giggled. “I mean, I didn’t like flick the bean to him or anything, but, yeah … he was my first crush.”

Beau gave a little shrug. “Okay, I can see that.”

This close, Jester could feel the warmth radiating off Beau’s skin and smell the slight hint of sweat mixing with the wine on her breath. Jester didn’t usually like wine, but she really liked it with Beau and she had the strongest urge to take the taste of the wine and the taste of the pie off Beau’s lips right now. That was silly, although, now that Jester thought about it, it would be pretty funny because Beau wouldn’t expect it and it would super throw her off. Jester would love to see that.

But the weird feeling in her stomach told her not to, so, instead, she said, “Who was the first girl to like you back?”

There was more silence from Beau than Jester was used to and she was about to deflect the whole thing and change the subject when Beau said, “I guess that was Tori. I mean, there were friends who I crushed on hard who talk incessantly about boys and then there were the girls who got drunk and wanted to mess around, but, yeah, first girl I think liked me back? Tori.”

“What was she like?” What would Beau’s first girlfriend be like? Her first crush definitely hadn’t seemed like the girls Jester had seen Beau go after.

“Tough. Older than me.” Jester saw that characteristic Beau smirk appear on the voice as she gazed off into her memories. “Awesome arm muscles. Fucking badass.” She chuckled. “Good with her hands. Good with her tongue.” Beau was squirming slightly in Jester’s arms and Jester couldn’t help wondering if she was uncomfortable. “I don’t know. She looked after me. Taught me a lot more than anyone else ever had before.”

“Was she your first kiss?”

Beau chuckled. “No. I had a lot of kisses before that. I was perfectly willing to steal a kiss if I thought it was worth it.”

Jester grinned. “Ooooo. Who was your first kiss?”

“Uh,” Beau seemed to have to really consider. Jester wondered if the list was that long and thinking about that made her feel a weird tightness in the back of her neck. “I guess that was, um … I want to say Sylith? I don’t really remember her name. She was a cute girl from the village and she worked in the fields during harvest season. She had this mop of black hair that was always frazzled, but she had these lips ….” Beau trailed off and Jester wondered if she was just thinking about lips. “Fuck. I think I wanted to kiss those lips for months and I finally cornered her behind some trees when there was no one else around and asked her if I could.”

“Was it good?”

Beau laughed, louder than she usually laughed. “It was good then! I mean, looking back, it was pretty shitty, like, too many teeth and things not lining up and not knowing what to do with my hands, but—whew—it was nice, yeah.”

This close to Beau, Jester could feel when the tension in her muscles released, when she let go of whatever worries were in her head and gave in to the moment and, as Beau talked about her first kiss, Jester could feel her body relax. Jester couldn’t help smiling at the lightness that radiated out. It was so rare and Jester loved when Beau felt this way. It was so … comforting.

“What about you?” asked Beau.

“Huh?” Jester realized she’d let her mind wander. “What about me?”

“Who was your first kiss?”

“Oh.” Jester hadn’t thought about that in months. Growing up, she’d always dreamed of her first kiss—who it would be, what it would feel like—but, with everything that was happening, she hadn’t thought about things like that for a while now. “I guess it was Fjord.”

Jester hated that she could feel the tension flood back into Beau’s body. “Right, yeah, the water. I remember you talking about that.”

“I guess it was kind of romantic … but I sort of wish I hadn’t been, you know, drowning. I sort of thought my first kiss would happen when I decided to kiss someone.” Jester remembered talking to Nott right after it happened and how … desperately she had wanted the kiss to be good and how disappointed she had been. She liked Fjord! She wanted to kiss Fjord! But she hadn’t liked that being her first kiss.

“Eh,” began Beau, “I sort of think a first kiss needs to be a choice. Like, if someone kisses you that doesn’t mean it’s your first kiss. It just means they kissed you. A real first kiss is the first time you decide to kiss someone. It might still be crap, but it’s _your_ crap.”

Jester had never thought about it that way and it made her feel better about it—that her real first kiss was still to come. Maybe it would be with Fjord! But it wouldn’t be that kiss, a kiss that she barely remembered and that had been mixed with pain. Beau always found a way to make things better.

**⁂**

They talked a little bit more after that, but they were both tired and eventually they piled up the dirty dishes in the middle of the room and crawled into bed.

Jester didn’t know when she fell asleep, but when she woke up her head felt a little foggy and her stomach a little icky and her mouth gunky, but she was also curled up against Beau, who was flat on her back, mouth open, a little bit of drool coming out the corner, and Jester couldn’t help smiling. She felt so safe with Beau. She knew Beau would always be there (yes, she had tried to sleep by herself a couple times and that had hurt, but Beau just had some stuff she needed to work through those nights and that was fine and she was always there when it mattered). Like this, with Beau’s arm holding her tight across her back, Jester’s head nuzzled into her shoulder, her legs curled around Beau’s legs … it felt like she’d found the perfect friend.

Which was the exact moment that Beau’s mom knocked on the door. Jester could tell that it was Beau’s mom because less than a second after the knock her voice came shouting from the other side saying something like “Beau? Are you two in there? Breakfast is ready and super tasty!” (Those probably weren’t the exact words, but they were close enough). And then, another second after that, the doorknob began to turn and Jester thought of the perfect way to teach Beau’s mom a lesson.

It was pretty easy to quickly roll herself on top of Beau (she was already practically there) and then, just as Beau was opening her eyes with a jolt, Jester smushed her lips against hers and let out a loud, but muffled, moan: “Oh, Beau! Ooooh, yes!”

Everything after that was pretty smashed together. For a moment, Jester felt the taste of Beau in her mouth (all left over alcohol and heat and surprise) and the way her body pressed perfectly against Beau’s lean form and there was the illusion (she thought) of Beau’s hands on her ass—a squeeze and a press—and then Jester forgot to make more over the top noises. And there was a gasp from the doorway, the sound of the door slamming, and all Jester was aware of was how wide Beau’s eyes were and how easily she pushed Jester off and jumped out of bed.

It took Beau a moment to string together words, but from the confusion on her face and the curl in her lip, Jester realized she’d made a mistake. “What—what are you doing, Jess?”

Even though her breath felt tight in her throat and she felt the press of tears behind her eyes (she’d messed something up! It was supposed to be fun!), Jester found the fun in the plan and used it to prop up her voice. “It was perfect, Beau! I totally just made your mom think we were fucking!” She flashed a wide-eyed grin at Beau. She knew Beau would be reassured. The smile would make everything okay.

Beau’s shoulders sagged and the energy in her body dripped out. “Fuck. Yeah. Okay. Uh, yeah. Good job.” Something about Beau seemed off and it hurt Jester in her chest, but then Beau drew herself up and flashed Jester a cocky smile—“Great idea, right? Anything to fuck with my parents.”—and Jester felt herself breathe again.

“It’s really okay? It was a good joke?” The hurt in her chest had turned into an ache and Jester desperately _desperately_ wanted Beau to really _really_ be okay. The problem was that Jester was really good at telling how people felt and Beau was really good at hiding her feelings, except (and Jester had only recently noticed this) she wasn’t as good at hiding her feelings around Jester and sometimes (only sometimes) it seemed like Beau hurt a lot more than she ever let on and that made Jester hurt and she got the ache in her chest and just wanted to wrap her arms around Beau and make her laugh and smile and squeeze Jester back with that quick little press that Jester knew meant “I love you” (but in that really nice friend kind of way that didn’t mean anything more).

“Yeah,” said Beau with that self-assured swagger (but Jester could tell she was still upset—why was she upset?), “We really should have been kissing in front of them anyway, right? Like, totally making out.”

Jester could never let the opportunity for a good prank pass. She beamed and clapped her hands. “We should totally make out at dinner and not be able to keep our hands off each other like all the time! It would totally mess with them!”

Beau was still smiling, but it was a pained smile, Jester could tell. “Uh, well, maybe we shouldn’t make them too uncomfortable. I mean, we still have to stay her a few days more.”

“Oh.” It was like Beau had reached into Jester’s chest and squeezed her lungs. “Oh, yeah. That makes sense. I just thought it would be fun.” Jester shrugged and put on her biggest smile, but for some reason that just made Beau’s smile fade.

“Jess, it was a good idea. I love it. I just think we’ve got to be careful. We don’t want my parents to kick me out again, right!?” She chuckled. “That’d be pretty stupid.”

The cocky smile was back on Beau’s face, but Jester could feel the tears still pushing at the back of her eyes and she looked down and screwed up her face like she always did when she needed the tears not to come. Something felt wrong and even though she didn’t know what it was she knew it was because it felt like something was wrong with Beau. “I’m sorry I kissed you, Beau. I guess I’m not very good at kissing and—and I should have talked to you beforehand and—” The tears finally started leaking out and Jester quickly wiped them away as she sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

And Beau was there next to her, awkwardly patting her on the arm. Jester wished that she’d just hug her and pull her close and tell her everything was fine and that Beau wasn’t mad at her and that she was just misreading things and that Beau was okay and there wasn’t anything wrong and—

Beau squeezed the top of Jester’s arm, but kept her distance. “Fuck Jess, you didn’t do anything—” Jester heard Beau suck in a big breath of air. “The kiss was great. I—”

This time, the silence stretched out for a while. Jester couldn’t bring herself to look up. She was afraid the tears would just come pouring out and she was afraid to see how Beau was looking at her. That didn’t make any sense. Beau was her friend. She was her bestest and most supportive friend. She was always there for her. She knew Beau thought she was awesome. She told her all the time.

But that was the scary thing, right? What if you had the bestest friend in the world and then you messed it up and they didn’t like you anymore and they didn’t think you were awesome? Like when the Traveler hadn’t been there when—when she was taken. He said that she hadn’t done anything wrong, but … Jester could never be certain. And Jester couldn’t stand the idea of Beau not being there anymore.

“Hey.” Jester glanced up and saw Beau looking at her with a face filled with concern. “You didn’t do anything, okay?”

“But I kissed you without asking and now you’re upset and—”

“That—that’s not a problem.” Beau sighed. “I think there’s something I need to tell you. It’s—it’s not a big deal and I don’t want you to—fuck! Jess, this is nothing and you did nothing. It’s me. You’re my friend and I was afraid to be, uh, honest with you and, uh ….” Beau steadied herself with a big breath. “Look: I have a crush on you, okay?”

The words smacked into Jester like a strong wind and her eyes went wide (letting a few more tears fall out) and her mouth went round and she sucked in a breath and then forgot to use it. It was like everything in her body had frozen. Even her heart seemed to stop beating. But it wasn’t … scared? She didn’t feel scared. It was like the summer winds when she was a child, blowing off the ocean, filling her room with exciting smells, caressing her skin with heat. Jester had always loved that wind.

But Beau was already giving off a nervous energy. She ran her fingers through her hair (which was still down from sleeping). She glanced everywhere but Jester. She tugged at her clothes. Then more words spilled out, “But it’s just a crush. Like, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to mess this up. You’re my best friend, Jester. And I’ve … I’ve never had a best friend before. And I know this is just a crush. You don’t have to worry about me. You’re just hot and kind and funny and beautiful and intelligent and … it’s a lot for my gay ass. But I’m not going to ruin this.”

As the words flowed over her, it was like they weren’t just words, they were pure emotions. When Beau said she had a crush, it was happy and scary. When she said it was just a crush, a little part of Jester felt sad. And then Beau said Jester was her best friend and said she was hot and kind and all those other nice things and Jester felt this rising feeling and that feeling scared her but that didn’t stop the words: “What if I like you back?”

Immediately, Jester wanted to take the words back and stuff them in her mouth and swallow them and let them sit heavy in her stomach. Because when she said them there was a flash of light across Beau’s face. Sure, she hid it quickly, but Jester saw the brightness tucked away in Beau’s eyes as Beau said (a rawness in her voice), “Do you like me back?”

So it hurt all the more when Jester had to say the truth. “I don’t know.” It didn’t feel good. She didn’t want to talk about this. She wanted to just have fun together and play tricks on Beau’s parents and for Beau to listen to her and be excited about her drawings and … just … be her best friend. In Jester’s romance books, being in love was always the most amazing all-consuming thing in the world, which was great, but also didn’t leave time for other things and Jester liked other things and also those emotions were just scary. It was fun to have a crush. It was terrifying to do something about it. And, anyway, Jester didn’t feel that way about girls (right, cause girls were pretty and soft or pretty and hard or any combination of things and Jester liked to look at them and she liked to be close to them but she didn’t feel _that_ way about them) so she couldn’t feel that way about Beau and, and, and ….

And Beau was already responding. She gave a confident sniff and said, “Yeah, I get that. I’m a bit of a mess and you’re into dudes.” Beau chuckled. “That’s, like, totally cool. Like I said, I don’t want you to think there’s anything serious about this. I just didn’t want you to think there was anything wrong with you. You’re awesome. You’re the best. It’s me. I can’t—Look, I’m tough to love and I appreciate that you put up with me as a friend. No one else had been able to do that for long.” She gave Jester a light punch on the shoulder. “I just want this. You and me: friends.”

Jester could tell a pained smile when she saw one. She could also tell when someone was beating themselves up and, even in this complicated and scary situation, she at least knew what she could do to make that better.

“You’re not a mess,” she said, the tears clearing from her eyes, her face shining at Beau, “You’re great and, and, if I liked girls, then I’d like you that way.” Jester saw the pain twitch around Beau’s eyes as she said that and she realized she wasn’t making it better. “I mean, I love you! Because you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I think you might be even better than the Traveler and he’s a god!”

“Jess ….”

“No! It’s true! You’re always there and you care about me so much. I know you’ve always got my back and when I’m sad you make me feel better, even when I don’t want to admit I’m sad. And you keep me warm at night and you smile at my drawings and you listen to my ideas and …” As Jester listed Beau’s good points, images flashed through her mind of all the times Beau had been there at her side, whether it was during a battle or at night or in the streets; images of Beau complimenting her drawing or boosting up her ideas, even if they were silly; Beau cheering Jester on as she pulled a wild new prank; Beau giving her a hug when things got low; Beau buying her pastries; Beau standing between her and a monster; Beau, Beau, Beau. “… and you make me feel ….”

Jester’s voice faded away and her eyes drifted down to the floor, but she didn’t see the floor, she saw every moment Beau had been kind to her, all the little touches, all the little boosts. She remembered how good it felt when Beau put her arm around her as she introduced her to her parents. She remembered how good it felt when their fingers brushed as they snuck down the dark streets. She remembered how good it felt when they sat in bed together, to feel Beau’s breath on her cheek as she looked over her shoulder at Jester’s sketchbook, to feel the closeness even as Beau’s knee pressed carelessly against her back.

Jester looked up at Beau and suddenly Beau—she didn’t look different, she looked exactly the same, but it was like Jester was different. And the words came, not hurried and bouncy, but slowly like they needed to be measured out exactly. “Beau, I think … I’m … in love with you.”

Jester said it and it was this terrifying mixture of overwhelming joy and all-consuming horror. Jester assumed (hoped, hoped so hard) that Beau would smile that little smile of hers that was barely a smile but on Beau was a wide grin and then would grab Jester and pull her in and—

But she didn’t. Instead, Beau gave an awkward laugh and said, “Thanks, Jester. I appreciate it, but you don’t need to pretend.”

“No.” The horror dropped away, like Beau’s confusion had overwhelmed it. The joy was still tinged with fear (she was saying something she’d never said before, after all), but the joy carried her forward like a balloon on a breeze. Jester took one of Beau’s hands, which was clenched into a fist and unpeeled the fingers until she could slip her hand inside. Jester locked eyes with Beau. “No,” she said, “I love you. You’re my best friend and …” The words were strange in her mouth, but she rolled them around and enjoyed the feel of them on her tongue. “… I love you.”

Beau said Jester’s name and there was a spark in her voice to match the spark in her eyes. “You wouldn’t mess with me about this, right?”

Jester gave a little shake of her head and smiled a broad smile brimming over with light. “Beau, I think you should give me my real first kiss.”

So Beau did.

(It was a good kiss, Jester thought. It was softer than she expected and quicker than she wanted. But just as warm and comfortable as she’d hoped (because, it turned out, she had hoped, even if she wouldn’t admit it). And it was okay that it was quick because then they got to do it again and again and again. And they kept doing it, even after they finally left their room and came in late to breakfast and then Jester could really kiss Beau and it was super funny how much it bothered her parents and that made it even better and made Jester want to do it even more. Eventually, though, they had to stop because they had a mission, but that just gave them more time to talk and that was … difficult because Jester had to realize there were things she hadn’t admitted to herself even though she thought of herself as a super open person, but that was okay too because Beau would be there to help her figure it out! Also, making out was apparently a super good cover if someone thought you were following them. Oh, they also found the cult a couple days later and beat their butts.)

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments and talking to all of you, so feel free to leave your thoughts! Even key smashes and extra kudos (<3) are cherished! (And if you want to comment, but don't want a response, just add *whisper* to your comment).
> 
> A big thanks to my beta, [EllaPreuss!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaPreuss)


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